REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — President Biden reportedly lashed out in anger at aides after they interrupted his beach vacation for the potential start of World War 3.
“You interrupted my beach nap…for this?” screamed Biden as he looked at images of Iranian military strikes. “Ugh, what do my generals even do? This is ridiculous.”
According to Pentagon sources, with American jets on ready near Israel and ships prepared to help shoot down Iranian missiles, they unfortunately had no choice but to bother President Biden. “We know he really hates when we call him during his beach trips, but sadly a massive war may be starting and he’s technically supposed to be here,” explained Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin. “Obviously, we would all prefer to let him enjoy his vacation, but unfortunately World Wars do require the President to sign a few things.”
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U.S. — Lawmakers and powerbrokers across the United States were proud to announce that America’s transition to being an idiocracy is currently running far ahead of schedule.
The shift has been in progress for several decades but has made significant advancements in recent years, with many members of Congress now fully on board and operating as key members of the country’s idiocratic government.
“We’ve become morons much more quickly than we anticipated,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. “Though it initially seemed like an impossible feat, our hard work to turn the United States into a nation governed by total imbeciles is nearly complete. We’ve succeeded in weeding out the country’s best and brightest and replaced them with drooling dolts. There’s now light at the end of the tunnel. The dream of a nation run entirely by idiots is within reach.”
Proponents of the transition to idiocracy cited the recent statements made by Texas Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee regarding the moon and sun as clear evidence the plan is ahead of schedule. Jackson Lee offered a brief comment on the incident. “What I said is correct,” she explained. “Once you realize that cars are made of cheese and rain is actually falling tears from crying birds, everything else makes sense.”
At publishing time, Jackson Lee had proposed a plan for NASA to launch a mission to colonize the sun.
LOS ANGELES, CA — Mainstream media outlets warned this week that if former President Trump is re-elected, he might indict his political enemies, imprison opposing journalists, and change the voting rules of future elections to favor his party.
“If none of the Democrats’ 73 indictments against Trump work, Trump might gain the power to have political opponents indicted,” warned MSNBC commentator Rachel Maddow. “It’s terrifying to think what could happen if a President were to wield the power to bankrupt opponents with bogus charges or intimidate journalists with legal threats. We are talking a danger the likes of which we have never, ever seen.”
Other outlets were reportedly quick to also sound the alarm, with CNN running a four-hour segment on how the DOJ must jail Republicans in order to keep Republicans from gaining the power to jail political opponents. CBS News, having recently seized confidential records from a journalist, called for the imprisonment of any journalist who does not write what the government tells them to write. “It’s the only way to stop Trump from threatening journalists,” explained CBS News President Ingrid Ciprian-Matthews. “We have to bend or break every moral and ethical rule in existence to keep Trump from breaking the rules.”
As of publishing time, Trump had been indicted for mass murder after telling his supporters that he promised to drain the D.C. swamp and get rid of all the corruption in the federal government.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After the shock of a Special Counsel report that characterized the President as mentally incompetent to stand trial, Biden has joined the growing chorus of voices in calling for the President to step down. “President Hoover needs to do the right thing. He’s in over his head. Can’t even do his job right,” said Biden to the nurse administering him his daily medications. “Eisenhower is an honorable man, and he needs to do the honorable thing. I was speaking with Emperor Hirohito about it just last Saturwednesday. Blamflibbernuzzit!” At publishing time, Republicans had drafted a resolution in support of the President’s call for the President to step down.
U.S. — Special Counsel Robert Hur will not recommend charges for Biden’s mishandling of classified documents on the grounds that he’s too old and senile to stand trial.
“I mean, seriously, have you seen that guy?” said Hur to reporters. “I tried to ask him questions and he attempted to put my notepad in his mouth. The dude is totally zonked out for sure. I mean, we all knew this, right?”
In spite of the report detailing Biden’s late-stage dementia, the Special Counsel confirmed Biden is just fine to continue running the country. “Oh yeah, that’s no problem,” he said. “You heard the Press Secretary. He’s so active and alert no one can keep up with him! Impressive!”
When reporters approached the President for a statement, Biden responded by attempting to put the microphone in his mouth.
U.S. — In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court has ruled that it’s now illegal for the Texas National Guard to guard Texas or the nation.
“Using the National Guard to guard the nation is an egregious misuse of the National Guard,” wrote Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, who sided with the majority. “When the federal government has decreed that the nation not be guarded so that millions of illegal immigrants will swarm the border and settle in cities across the nation to swing the 2024 presidential election for Biden, states have no right to disobey that decree by guarding their states.”
As a result of the ruling, Texas is being ordered to open its border completely and let millions of people flood the state and the rest of the country until everything Americans hold dear is left a smoldering ruin. “It’s the compassionate thing to do,” said Jackson.
At publishing time, the government had asked the National Guard to return to its normal task of fighting endless foreign wars.
NEW YORK, NY — After a career spent being constantly outclassed in the intelligence department, Vice President Kamala Harris enjoyed finally being the smartest person in the room during her appearance on ABC’s The View.
The Vice President noticeably relished her newfound status as the resident genius as she dispensed valuable nuggets of wisdom to The View’s awed panel of cohosts, basking in unfamiliar territory as the one everyone was looking to for knowledge and insight.
“My, my, my how the turntables have… done what they have done,” Harris said as she presided over a room full of her intellectual inferiors for the first time. “As bearers of knowledge, we must know and bear the type of knowledge that carries around the world to other carriers and bearers of knowledge. It is only at that time that we will know our knowledge. Knowledge is knowing things.”
The hosts of The View were amazed as they sat around the Vice President and listened to her brilliant rhetoric. “We heard she was a smart cookie, but now we’ve experienced it firsthand,” said longtime host Joy Behar. “She ran mental circles around us. This woman exhibits true leadership in every aspect, from declaring the southern border secure to admitting she’s ‘scared as heck’ of Donald Trump winning the election, her wisdom is what we all look to. Our panel can’t hope to compete with that.”
At publishing time, the hosts of The View were reportedly still trying to make sense of the Vice President’s comments, knowing she was just far too intelligent for them to comprehend.
The Biden Administration’s Top 10 Accomplishments Of 2023
From the border to the economy, President Biden has accomplished feats in 2023 that no one ever saw coming. With so many incredible achievements for the Biden administration this year, narrowing them down was no easy task! Here are the top ten accomplishments of the Biden administration in 2023:
Reduced obesity in America by making food unaffordable: So simple.
Cleaned up all the cocaine bags someone was leaving around the White House: Decency restored!
Kept American hostages safe from junk fees during their stay with Hamas: Not one single junk fee!
Set all-time record for people illegally streaming into the U.S.: Because he’s the most popular President ever. Numbers don’t lie.
Raised dementia awareness by 400%: Also, sandbag awareness.
Created record numbers of new billionaires: They’re all in Ukraine, but still.
Promoted transparency by releasing several “Behind-the-Scenes” videos from Capitol staffers: Campaign promise, delivered.
Saved democracy by arresting political opponents and not allowing people to vote for anyone else: Thanks, Joe!
Set new record by spending 40% of time on vacation: Finally giving Delaware Beach the attention it so richly deserves.
Heroically stayed alive to save America from a Kamala Harris Presidency: We salute you, Mr. Biden!
What can’t Biden do?? We can’t wait to see what Joe has up his sleeve in 2024!
Monday marks the 22nd anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks that brought down the World Trade Center in New York City, hit the Pentagon in Virginia and a field in Shanksville, Pa., with four jets piloted by suicidal Islamic maniacs.
Nearly 3,000 human beings were murdered on the spot.
Yes, Biden was in India this weekend for the G20 conference.
But he couldn’t arrange his schedule to make it back for a 9/11 ceremony, instead doing a flyby on the remotest part of US soil?
His handlers can’t risk what he’ll say or do, or worse, how New Yorkers would respond to the very sight of him. Oh, and he wasn’t in New York on 09-12:
President Biden, during Labor Day remarks Monday, touted that the United States has the lowest inflation rate among major world economies, despite his own Secretary of Commerce admitting just a day earlier that inflation ‘still exists’ and ‘remains a challenge for Americans.
‘And guess what? You can still be a millionaire or a billionaire. Except one thing, pay your taxes. Pay your taxes. Bidenomics is a blue-collar blueprint for America. It’s for you,’ Biden said.
‘The reality is that inflation still exists, and it is something that people see on a daily basis when they go to the grocery store, or pay their rent, or pay their mortgage, and we have to know that,’ Raimondo told CBS’s ‘Face The Nation’ in an interview that aired Sunday. ‘That’s still a challenge for folks.’
Things Have Not Been This Bad Since Biden Was Obama’s Vice President
The last time Americans saw a drop in household income as large as we did last year, Barack Obama was president.
The Census Bureau on Tuesday released its calculations for the change in real median household income for last year. By its calculations, the median income of U.S. households fell in 2022 by 2.3 percent, the worst decline since 2010.
…Oh. I guess it’s working just as Joe’s handlers intend. And then Joe Visited Vietnam and to the horror of his handlers, spoke:
“Good Morning Vietnam” is the name of a Robin Williams movie, and the Vietnamese probably didn’t want to be reminded of that particular war.
But Joe is able to spontaneously respond to questions.
The person he “ain’t calling” on was a reporter not on his list.
We know Joe. We know, and so do the Chinese Communists. That’s not something, however, the Vietnamese wanted to hear.
TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE!
There is no such John Wayne movie and no global warming.
And they played loud music to drown out his continued ramblings.
There hasn’t been any warming for decades—that’s why they switched to “climate change,” but thanks to Joe’s handlers, there’s a heightened risk of nuclear war. And then Joe went to the G20 Conference:
Good Joe. Keep pissing off the Saudis while you’re begging them for oil. I’m sure they were glad he stopped there.
Austin police are now asking residents to call 3-1-1 if they get robbed near an ATM, as the Texas department struggles an increase in urban crime and staffing shortages.
Austin Police Department posted a graphic urging residents to call 3-1-1 or make an online report if they’re robbed in a post on X, formerly known as Twitter. 3-1-1 is a number usually used for non-emergency requests, as opposed to 9-1-1.
‘Even if you are cautious & follow all the safety advice, you may still become the unfortunate victim of a robbery,’ Austin Police Department wrote on X. ‘Do you know what your next steps should be?’
Call the Police “maybe we’ll call you back sometime” hotline. This is your country on socialism, America.
University of Wisconsin campus leaders have not cut diversity, equity and inclusion positions from their campuses despite losing $32 million in funding from the GOP-led state legislature earlier this summer in an effort to see such programs axed.
Hey, gotta have priorities, and in Wisconsin education isn’t among them.
The second vice chairwoman of the Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party is calling for tougher consequences for criminals after she was beaten and carjacked in front of her young children at her home in Minneapolis on Tuesday. *** Sathananda was left with a broken leg, deep lacerations on her head, and bruising. She’s now calling for politicians to be tougher on crime.
The police are being ordered to intensively patrol around her home. Understandably, the few officers remaining in Minneapolis are not happy about that. I guess at least some D/S/Cs are susceptible to reality if it’s written in their blood.
Over time, the standards that a person must meet in order to enlist in one of the armed services of the United States have varied considerably. At times when recruits abound, the qualifications required of them go up. When, however, recruits are hard to find, these requirements go down.
Unfortunately, the further standards fall, the greater the tendency of people to view the barracks as a refuge for losers in search of ‘three hots and a cot.’ This stigma, in turn, discourages the enlistment of people able to surmount a much higher bar. In other words, like the debasement of currency, a reduction in the prerequisite virtues required of recruits is a short-term solution with ruinous long-term costs.
In addition to discouraging the enlistment of men and women of quality, the acceptance of large numbers of substandard volunteers fosters the rise of dysfunctional organizational cultures. Thus, rather than pushing their subordinates to ‘be all they can be,’ leaders devote their best energies to keeping them out of trouble. Rather than focusing on the finer points of enfilade and defilade, commanders waste their time on visits to the brig (or stockade), the award of non-judicial punishment, and the enforcement of increasingly picayune rules.
…not stupid. Our current military “leaders?” Very stupid.
In a sobering reminder of the magnitude of the Biden border crisis, almost 75,000 illegal migrants were flagged this fiscal year as potential national security risks—that is, potential terrorists or individuals with terrorist ties.
In Fiscal Year (FY) 2022, which ended as of last October, there was also a 600% spike in potential “national security risk” migrants, a total of 25,627 individuals. But that crisis of potential terrorists coming across the southern border has seemingly gotten exponentially worse this fiscal year.
When you’re so stupid as to throw open the border to everyone, this is inevitable.
Oh sure, let’s do away with effective powerplants…
Yesterday, Liberty Safe landed in major hot water when many accused the company of sacrificing the security of their customers and bending to the feds with no pushback.
After their absolutely BRUTAL online treatment yesterday, Liberty Safe is attempting to do a little damage control.
Businesses used to know betraying customer trust was deadly. Now, some apparently think it’s trendy and equitable. Talk about not knowing one’s customer base. Really stupid.
The Biden administration is considering forcing some migrant families who enter the country without authorization to remain near the border in Texas while awaiting asylum screening, effectively limiting their ability to travel within the U.S., three U.S. officials told The Times.
Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AR) on Friday sent a letter to Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin demanding he explain the Pentagon’s apparent decision to use the ‘gender neutral’ term ‘themselves’ instead of ‘himself’ or ‘herself’ for decoration and award citations.
‘I write regarding the Department’s decision to incorporate ‘gender neutral’ language into decoration and award citations. Our military apparently will now use ‘themselves’—which is not even a word, I hasten to add—instead of ‘himself’ or ‘herself’ to describe heroic or distinguished actions.
He included a sample of the ‘absurd’ model language:
(Rank) First M. Last, Jr., United States (Military Service), distinguished themself by superior meritorious service in a position of significant responsibility as (position and duty assignment), from (month year) to (month year).
You couldn’t do better than Lloyd Austin as Secretary of Defense. And what’s Kamala up to these days?
Wait: I thought the border was secure?
Get down funky Kamala! And I thought Trump was unpresidential.
Aren’t chaplains supposed to believe in—you know—God?
Schuyler Vogel seems like a truly nice guy. A graduate of the college himself he is surely thrilled to be back on campus to spread the gospel of progressivism, and given how hostile modern academia is to traditional religion it is hard for me to actually get outraged by the college’s indifference to hiring a religious person to be its new chaplain.
Get this:
I love the Christian tradition, its rituals, its stories, its sense of justice, but I don’t believe in its core theological assumptions. Eventually I returned to Unitarian Universalism, where I was ordained as a minister.I probably don’t believe in God, although I believe that we human beings have a moral calling to serve love and justice.
Why do such people think there will be no consequences for ticking off God? Stupid.
MSNBC columnist and progressive radio host Dean Obeidallah said Donald Trump ‘must die in prison’ to set an example for the public, after the former president was charged in four criminal cases. [skip]
‘I think Donald Trump must die in prison because I don’t care if he was 45 years old. You should get life in prison if you attempt a coup, and there should be no chance of parole. I don’t care who it is,’ the radio host insisted.
Obeidallah argued a life in prison sentence would send the message to the public that ‘you can’t do this.’
Do what? Talk about election integrity? D/S/Cs aren’t big on the whole “innocent until proved guilty” thing.
Air Force Chief of Staff Charles Q. Brown Jr, Biden’s nominee to replace Milley as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, had signed off on a memo to impose a 43% quota for white male officers in the Air Force. That would be catastrophic at a time when the Air Force is struggling with recruitment, faces a shortage of over 1,000 pilots and 86% of its pilots are white men.
Shortage smortage. What’s that in comparison to a lack of diversity?
Now a Rand report funded by the Air Force shows what it will take to achieve diversity. And diversity, which is more important than winning, won’t be achieved as long as the Air Force clings to basic qualifiers like weight, test scores and no criminal record.
‘The most-important barriers for all gender and racial and ethnic groupings,’ the report argues, are the Air Force’s ‘BMI’ or Body Mass Index and ‘height requirements’ as well as the ‘minimum standards’ for the Armed Forces Qualification Test and education standards.
Earlier this year, the Air Force had lowered BMI standards from 20% for men to 26% and from 28% for women to 36% for women. And in 2020, the Air Force had dropped a waiver for a minimum 5’4 height requirement for pilots in order to attract more women. There were also complaints that aircraft had been designed around the height of the average white man.
…what would you do differently than racist Brown. Let me see if I have this straight: if the Air Force doesn’t recruit fat, short and stupid people and design fighter aircraft to accommodate them, that’s a bad thing?
According to the letter, on Sept. 1, 2023, two boys were playing ‘cops and robbers’ during recess at Bagley Elementary School [in Alabama?!].
‘During the course of their play, the children reportedly extended their index fingers and thumbs and said ‘bang-bang’ at each other,’ the letter reads.
The child, identified as J.B., was suspended and accused of committing a Class III infraction. This is the district’s most serious infraction. According to the Jefferson County School District’s Student Parent Handbook, Class III infractions include possession of guns or explosives, sexual battery, battery of a school district employee, and robbery, among others.
The boy would only be allowed back in school after a hearing with his parents and the district.
Of the incident, the child’s father said:
They labeled my six-year-old as a potentially violent and dangerous student because he was being a little boy and playing cops and robbers with another student….
‘Oh my God, really? Oh my gosh, it’s devastating,’ Fetterman (D-Pa.) said. ‘Oooh, don’t do it, please don’t do it,’ Fetterman declared, wiggling his fingers at the reporter in mock terror, and laughing. ‘Oh, no, Oh no,’ Fetterman said.
The funniest part of the take isn’t even Fetterman — although that’s truly weird. The funniest part was the panicked handler desperate to get him away from the reporters, knowing this reaction wasn’t going to go over well. The aide has more sense than does Sen. Fetterman. He grabs him and moves him away from the reporters saying that they had to get back to the office. He knows how bad that looks. Even if you’re a Democrat and you want to defend Joe Biden, this just makes him look bizarre.
More bizarre than usual? No doubt that “aide” accompanies Fetterman everywhere so he doesn’t get lost or do anything crazy–well, not too crazy anyway.
Before they were allowed to leave Kabul in August 2021, having just lost 13 comrades to a suicide bomber, US Marines were ordered to pick up human feces and other disgusting trash at the airport so as to leave it pristine for the Taliban.
[snip]
More than 120,000 Afghans had camped there for a week, ‘defecating and leaving trash, bags, clothes, and other unspeakable things.’
Marines at every level were infuriated at being ‘forced to scoop up human poop.’
The order to clean ‘came with a threat that we would not leave at all if it was not completed,’ one junior Marine told authors Jerry Dunleavy and James Hasson.
‘It was degrading and ridiculous. We took a lot of casualties and put a lot of effort into that mission and to close it out that way was wrong. Morale was really down at that point, and it was an extremely pointless effort.’
…but I’ll try a few: whoever ordered this needs to be prosecuted, dishonorably discharged, and shot, and then shot again. New recruiting slogan: “We need a few good men to pick up shit.”
No. Now I’m almost convinced D/S/Cs and schools are child abusers:
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There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true. —Soren Kierkegaard. "...truth is true even if nobody believes it, and falsehood is false even if everybody believes it. That is why truth does not yield to opinion, fashion, numbers, office, or sincerity--it is simply true and that is the end of it" - Os Guinness, Time for Truth, pg.39. “He that takes truth for his guide, and duty for his end, may safely trust to God’s providence to lead him aright.” - Blaise Pascal. "There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily" – George Washington letter to Edmund Randolph — 1795. We live in a “post-truth” world. According to the dictionary, “post-truth” means, “relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief.” Simply put, we now live in a culture that seems to value experience and emotion more than truth. Truth will never go away no matter how hard one might wish. Going beyond the MSM idealogical opinion/bias and their low information tabloid reality show news with a distractional superficial focus on entertainment, sensationalism, emotionalism and activist reporting – this blogs goal is to, in some small way, put a plug in the broken dam of truth and save as many as possible from the consequences—temporal and eternal. "The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it." – George Orwell “There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” ― Soren Kierkegaard
Following in the spirit of Britain's Queen Boudica, Queen of the Iceni. A boudica.us site. I am an opinionator, do your own research, verification. Reposts, reblogs do not neccessarily reflect our views.
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