Sunday funnies

bluebird of bitterness

A Scotsman who was planning a trip to the Holy Land was aghast when he learned that it would cost sixty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.

“In Scotland it wouldn’t have been more than twenty,” said the Scotsman.

“Yes,” said the travel agent, “but remember, the Sea of Galilee is water on which Jesus himself walked.”

The Scotsman said, “Well, at sixty dollars an hour for a boat, it’s no wonder he walked.”

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Sunday snicker

This is a knock-knock joke for adults…😊

Just Cruisin 2

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back “Revelation 3:20 ” and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was notation “Genesis 3:10”.

Revelation 3:20 reads: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.” Genesis 3:10 reads: “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.”

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The Internet Had a Field Day With Obama’s Official Portrait «TwistedSifter

Feb 20, 2018
The Internet Had a Field Day With Obama’s Official Portrait

Last week, former US President Barack Obama unveiled his official portrait for the National Portrait Gallery’s ‘America’s Presidents‘ collection.

Beginning with President George H. W. Bush, the National Portrait Gallery initiated a process by which the museum would commission a portrait of each president, and beginning with First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, this process expanded to include a commissioned portrait of the first spouse. All are privately funded and are owned by the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery.

For his official portrait, the 44th President of the United States selected artist Kehinde Wiley whose painting of the President measures just over 7 feet tall.

portrait of president barack obama by kehinde wiley The Internet Had a Field Day With Obamas Official Portrait

As per the Washington Post:

Wiley has included flowers in the background (another nod to historical portraiture) to reference elements of the president’s personal history, including jasmine for Hawaii, African blue lilies for his father’s Kenyan heritage, and chrysanthemums, which are the official flower of Chicago…

A swelling vein on the left side of the president’s face, and the intensity of his gaze, suggest the “doesn’t suffer fools gladly” impatience that occasionally flashed from him.

Unsurprisingly, reaction to the painting online has been mixed. Equally unsurprising, are the comedic responses to the painting. If one thing’s for certain, the Internet is always ready with the retorts, Photoshops and memes in response to anything newsworthy. And with that, here are some of the funniest responses making rounds online.


— Shoshana Weissmann, Sloth Committee Chair (@senatorshoshana) February 12, 2018

This may or may not have been the inspiration for @BarackObama’s official portrait:—
Frank Thorp V (@frankthorp) February 12, 2018

nice of him to honor his predecessors, the bushes

— Ariel Edwards-Levy (@aedwardslevy) February 12, 2018

This portrait immortalizes my two favorite things about President Obama. He placed furniture wherever. And zero a……—
Anthony Jeselnik (@anthonyjeselnik) February 12, 2018

Wow quite a presidential portrait Obama

— Chicago Reader (@Chicago_Reader) February 12, 2018

Edgy and graceful at the same time.

Perfect choice by President Obama.

— Cabot Phillips (@cabot_phillips) February 12, 2018

Outfielders are going to have trouble with the new obstacle at Wrigley Field this season.

— Dan McQuade (@dhm) February 12, 2018

wait no sean wat are you doing

— delrayser (@delrayser) February 12, 2018

Is anyone else getting a Beyoncé vibe off Obama’s portrait?

— Surlymom (@Surly_Mom) February 12, 2018

It looks like they painted Obama outside the White House behind the Oval Office #ObamaPortraits—
AJ (@ajfyi) February 12, 2018

#KehindeWiley ‘s #Obama painting when fashion week hits

— Camilo Caffi (@caffi07) February 12, 2018

Loving this Obama portrait

— Eric Schmidt (@TalkingSchmidt) February 12, 2018

— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) February 12, 2018


— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) February 12, 2018

via unknown_human on reddit

obama portrait memes 5 The Internet Had a Field Day With Obamas Official Portrait
via belokas on reddit

obama portrait memes 1 The Internet Had a Field Day With Obamas Official Portrait
via Kelly_Kapowsky on reddit

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The Sifter

“Snowball the Cockatoo Can Dance Better Than You” National Geographic

It’s a Jungle Out There

Now this is a zoo that I wouldn’t mind visiting….😂

bluebird of bitterness

Sid was a petty criminal who’d had many run-ins with the law. He needed a job, but because of his record, no one wanted to hire him. Then a pal tipped him off that the local zoo was hiring, and that they had a good record of hiring people in Sid’s situation, so he went to check it out.

The zookeeper told Sid that he needed someone to impersonate a gorilla. “Our gorilla was our main attraction,” the zookeeper said. “But it died a few days ago, and it will be months before we can get another one. All you’d have to do is wear this gorilla suit and eat bananas and keep the visitors entertained.”

The job sounded easy, and the pay wasn’t bad, so Sid agreed. He put on the costume and did his best to act like a gorilla, beating his chest and climbing trees and swinging…

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A Stray Dog Casually Walks On Stage During A Live Orchestra Performance And Steals The Show | TIME – YouTube

Well I’m Glad Someone Enjoys the Cold….🐧


Baby Orca Surprises Swimmers At New Zealand Beach – The Dodo


Mischievous Baby Orca Sneaks Up On Unsuspecting Swimmers

“We won’t be forgetting this anytime soon.”
By Sarah V Schweig
October 24, 2017

It’s beach season in New Zealand, and hundreds of people were enjoying the sun and surf at Hahei Beach last week — when some of them got a very unexpected visitor.
Orca surprises beachgoers

Four wild orcas were thought to be hunting stingrays off the coast when one of the baby orcas became curious and swam right up to people wading in the clear water. And the sight of a dorsal fin coming straight at them sent the swimmers scurrying for the shore.

Orcas are very intelligent and social animals who stick with their families their whole lives, and baby orcas like this one learn to hunt from their parents and relatives in their pod.

So maybe the beachgoers were right to be startled by the baby orca — he might have been practicing his newly acquired skills on them.

But the swimmers had no hard feelings toward the little orca. “He’s just playing,” one person can be heard saying.

“It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience to see such a beautiful animal up close in the wild,” Kelly Lindsay told local news. “We won’t be forgetting this anytime soon.”


Germany: Rabbit missed, Hunter hit. Rabbit Escaped And Is Fine.

Serbian Animals Voice (SAV)

SAV Comment – Glad to hear the rabbit is ok.

Hello friends, hallo Mark,
today I have good news!!

I read this report on a German web site for animal rights and translated it.

Rabbit missed, hunter hit.

ST.PETER AM HART, AUSTRIA: At around 11:05 am on Saturday, 21 October, at the end of a so-called ‘drive-hunting’, the participants of a hunt were in the Mooswiesen area.

An 80-year-old hunter from St. Peter am Hart and a 25-year-old from Altheim were on the same level in the last rifle line.

As a field rabbit ran between the two and fled towards St. Peter, the 25-year-old gave a shot but did not hit.

The 80-year-old, who was to the right of the 25-year-old, shot twice on the rabbit, but missed it as well, and shot by mistake at his colleague!!

The 25-year-old was hit by bullets in his head and legs.

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Advice for married men

If you’re a woman….  I recommend you take time to read this…..It may save you some jail time!

bluebird of bitterness

by guest columnist Herb Hickenlooper

It’s important for men to remember that as women age, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same standards of housekeeping as when they were younger. But when you notice this happening with your wife, try not to yell at her. Some women are oversensitive, and God knows there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

Let me tell you how I handled this situation with my wife, Peggy. When I retired about a year ago, it became necessary for Peggy to get a full-time job to bring in some extra income and for the medical insurance her employer provides. Shortly after she started working, I noticed her age was beginning to show. Here’s an example: I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work, and even though she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour before…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Academy Archives – One Liners Part Five and some snippets.


Smorgasbord - Variety is the spice of life

I am sharing this post from July 2016… I know that some of you commented at the time but hope time has dulled your memory as much as mine!  I have also included some funnies from Facebook that I have pinched over the last few weeks.

Time for part five of the one-liners..I am hoping that I am not repeating any but the odd one might slip through and be noted by the more eagle-eyed of you..  enjoy.

1. It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
2. He who hesitates is boss.
3. As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never
4. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
5. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

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Caturday funnies

😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅

bluebird of bitterness

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I remember the first time  I vacuum and our husky puppy was hiding her kibble and treats under the cushion  😵 I  thought they were bugs…LOL

Phoenix Rainez

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Caturday funnies


Cash only, will not accept credit cards or checks!
Thank you for your cooperation.
“Have A Nice Day”

Phoenix Rainez

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Seriously, dude…. is there a name for what’s wrong with you?

Humor with a Twist….

Boy do I know about freedom in the red white blue 🚓 I received 3 speeding tickets in one month, it was 1992 to be exact. When the officer came back up to my car for me to sign, he said… And I quote… You know Nancy you’re one point away from losing your license and your freedom to drive, don’t you think it’s time you start paying attention to the speed limit? I said………Yes sir and  went bought a radar detector…. I haven’t had a speeding ticket since. 😇

Boundless Blessings by Kamal


-I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you at the back of cars.

-The last thing I want to do is hurt you in a most horrible way, but it is still on my bucket list. I will surely have my way.

-My mind isn’t twisted and perverted, its strategically bent and curved in a precarious way in several places.

-Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak and cause fools of themselves.

-Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit- salad and spoiling its awesome taste.

-To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

-I’m great at multi-tasking, I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once.

-Women will never be equal to men…

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Hilarious (But Real) Exchanges Between Pilots, Flight Attendants, And Passengers.


March Forward 🕛 Turn Your Clocks Ahead One Hour


Man Is Shocked When His Dog Walks In With A Weird New Smile

Pandora, by all accounts, is your typical sort of playful pup — though she might be a little more mischievous than most.

Within a few months of rescuing her as a puppy, Pandora’s owner Lucas Alves Magalhães learned she has a penchant for digging around in their backyard, in Sao Paulo, Brazil. On one occasion, he’d even discovered his BBQ partially buried there, and the dog looking proud to have helped with its safekeeping.
Still, nothing could have prepared him for what resulted from Pandora’s most recent excavation.

Last week, Pandora was outside, doing her thing, when Magalhães noticed she had dug up some mysterious object, and was traipsing about with it in her mouth.
“I couldn’t see what it was, so I called her in,” Magalhães told The Dodo. “When I lifted her head, I almost died from laughing.”

Pandora suddenly had a goofy new smile.
As it turns out, during her digging, the dog had evidently happened upon some dentures, which she was now wearing as if they were her own teeth.

It was gross, yes — but also rather amusing.

After snapping a few photos for posterity, Magalhães took the denture away from Pandora before she got too accustomed to her toothy treasure. But where did it come from in the first place?

“An elderly couple owned this house before me, and I think maybe it was theirs,” he said. “They may have changed their dentures and buried this one in the backyard. There’s no other explanation, because I know it’s not ours.”
And with that, Pandora was back to her old self again — at least until her next discovery.

Lucas Alves Magalhães

After Bashing Trump, Self-Absorbed Celebs Award Wrong Winner at Oscars

Chimpanzee Reacts To iPad Magic

Bullfighter Who Says Animals ‘Do Not Have Rights’ Tossed by Angry Bull 😂

During an interview, bullfighter Sebastian Castella declared, ‘Like all animals, bulls do not have duties, therefore they do not have rights.’


Source: Bullfighter Who Says Animals ‘Do Not Have Rights’ Tossed by Angry Bull

Sweet Cat Shares Food With Bird (Video)

A true sign of friendship is when your friend is totally okay with sharing their food with you! That’s exactly what this sweet cat does when his bird friend comes over  to take a few bites of food.

Source: Sweet Cat Shares Food With Bird

☃ Having Fun in The Snow ☃

Husky Puppy’s Attempts to Speak Will Leave You Laughing Hysterically (VIDEO)

Husky Puppy’s Attempts to Speak Will Leave You Laughing Hysterically (VIDEO)
The only thing cuter than a sweet, fluffy little puppy is a sweet talking fluffy little puppy! Meet Ramsey the adorable talking Husky.

This handsome fella has been delighting his humans as he struggles to tell them how much he loves them, in plain English, of course. “What was that?” His human mom asks him, laughing with delight. Ramsey yells loudly as if to answer her with an eager reply.

This heartwarming video is only one example of how human-like animals can be. Dogs make especially good pets because of their adaptability and the overwhelming desire to be with their humans. With a little time and care, most dogs can easily adapt to a variety of household situations. Rest assured, no matter what communication issues arise, dogs are always trying to bridge the gap between species with love and affection. Something tells me that Ramsey is well on his way to becoming a canine ambassador!

A-hunting we will go

Weekend Humor – Is Donald Trump Your President?

peoples trust toronto

Simple clarification flowchart for snowflakes, swamp-rates, and sanctuary-dwellers…

Source: The Burning Platform

via Read More Here..

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PIERS MORGAN: The award for the worst election loser goes to every millionaire celebrity | Daily Mail Online

Celebrities will do anything to be the center of attention! Need a good laugh read this.😅