This Husky Knows Exactly How To Cool Off On A Hot Day

Advertisements

An atheist was walking through the woods admiring the nature around him. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals,” he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river,…

An atheist was walking through the woods admiring the nature around him. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals,” he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look, and suddenly saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him! He ran up the path as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was gaining on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and now the bear was even closer. In his haste, the man tripped on a root and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out, “Oh my God!” Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others that I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?” The atheist looked directly into the light and said, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?” “Very well,” said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke, “Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

I’m Too Pooped…

I’m pooped

Friday Funny: Dog carries stick

Try not to laugh Donkey edition

Baby Elephant Throwing a Tantrum

Baby Elephant Takes The Quick Route Downhill

Sunday funnies

bluebird of bitterness

Two baseball lovers, George and Fred, had been friends all their lives. As children they’d played in Little League together, as teenagers they’d been on their high school team, as grown men they’d played in their church league, and as retirees they spent their summers watching baseball games together on TV or at the park.

When both men were very old, Fred began to feel his life slipping away from him. One day George asked Fred a favor.

“Sure, old pal,” said Fred.

“Fred,” said George, “when you get to heaven, you have to let me know if they have baseball there.”

“George, I promise you, if there’s any way I can do what you’re asking, I will.”

Fred died soon afterward. After the funeral, George went home and sat down in an armchair, and soon he fell asleep. He was awakened by a blinding light, and heard a voice calling his name.

View original post 109 more words

“Spring Season – Simon’s Cat

If There Was ANY Justice At All…

IMG_20180331_183949

All trophy hunters would  “BURN IN HELL”  come Judgement Day!

Sunday funnies

bluebird of bitterness

A Scotsman who was planning a trip to the Holy Land was aghast when he learned that it would cost sixty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.

“In Scotland it wouldn’t have been more than twenty,” said the Scotsman.

“Yes,” said the travel agent, “but remember, the Sea of Galilee is water on which Jesus himself walked.”

The Scotsman said, “Well, at sixty dollars an hour for a boat, it’s no wonder he walked.”

View original post

Sunday snicker

This is a knock-knock joke for adults…😊

Just Cruisin 2

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back “Revelation 3:20 ” and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was notation “Genesis 3:10”.

Revelation 3:20 reads: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.” Genesis 3:10 reads: “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.”

View original post

The Internet Had a Field Day With Obama’s Official Portrait «TwistedSifter

Feb 20, 2018
The Internet Had a Field Day With Obama’s Official Portrait

Last week, former US President Barack Obama unveiled his official portrait for the National Portrait Gallery’s ‘America’s Presidents‘ collection.

Beginning with President George H. W. Bush, the National Portrait Gallery initiated a process by which the museum would commission a portrait of each president, and beginning with First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, this process expanded to include a commissioned portrait of the first spouse. All are privately funded and are owned by the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery.

For his official portrait, the 44th President of the United States selected artist Kehinde Wiley whose painting of the President measures just over 7 feet tall.

portrait of president barack obama by kehinde wiley The Internet Had a Field Day With Obamas Official Portrait

As per the Washington Post:

Wiley has included flowers in the background (another nod to historical portraiture) to reference elements of the president’s personal history, including jasmine for Hawaii, African blue lilies for his father’s Kenyan heritage, and chrysanthemums, which are the official flower of Chicago…

A swelling vein on the left side of the president’s face, and the intensity of his gaze, suggest the “doesn’t suffer fools gladly” impatience that occasionally flashed from him.

Unsurprisingly, reaction to the painting online has been mixed. Equally unsurprising, are the comedic responses to the painting. If one thing’s for certain, the Internet is always ready with the retorts, Photoshops and memes in response to anything newsworthy. And with that, here are some of the funniest responses making rounds online.

sorry pic.twitter.com/ApQYOf5XF7

— Shoshana Weissmann, Sloth Committee Chair (@senatorshoshana) February 12, 2018

This may or may not have been the inspiration for @BarackObama’s official portrait: https://t.co/d9yJTYImm7—
Frank Thorp V (@frankthorp) February 12, 2018

nice of him to honor his predecessors, the bushes https://t.co/A9XJOrDXCG

— Ariel Edwards-Levy (@aedwardslevy) February 12, 2018

This portrait immortalizes my two favorite things about President Obama. He placed furniture wherever. And zero a… twitter.com/i/web/status/9…—
Anthony Jeselnik (@anthonyjeselnik) February 12, 2018

Wow quite a presidential portrait Obama pic.twitter.com/GlvljHSBVR

— Chicago Reader (@Chicago_Reader) February 12, 2018

Edgy and graceful at the same time.

Perfect choice by President Obama. pic.twitter.com/IBTKYo4f8x

— Cabot Phillips (@cabot_phillips) February 12, 2018

Outfielders are going to have trouble with the new obstacle at Wrigley Field this season. pic.twitter.com/EEjRu8HOsb

— Dan McQuade (@dhm) February 12, 2018

wait no sean wat are you doing pic.twitter.com/bLABp3wq4E

— delrayser (@delrayser) February 12, 2018

Is anyone else getting a Beyoncé vibe off Obama’s portrait? pic.twitter.com/FkcNVIVtte

— Surlymom (@Surly_Mom) February 12, 2018

It looks like they painted Obama outside the White House behind the Oval Office #ObamaPortraits https://t.co/jFN1M96xnP—
AJ (@ajfyi) February 12, 2018

#KehindeWiley ‘s #Obama painting when fashion week hits pic.twitter.com/2oSrIwqWTF

— Camilo Caffi (@caffi07) February 12, 2018

Loving this Obama portrait pic.twitter.com/zaGmqYAchQ

— Eric Schmidt (@TalkingSchmidt) February 12, 2018

pic.twitter.com/ixQI8MMkYe

— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) February 12, 2018

Subtle. pic.twitter.com/TyxKsVUZc3

— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) February 12, 2018

via unknown_human on reddit

obama portrait memes 5 The Internet Had a Field Day With Obamas Official Portrait
via belokas on reddit

obama portrait memes 1 The Internet Had a Field Day With Obamas Official Portrait
via Kelly_Kapowsky on reddit

https://giphy.com/gifs/3nhx5J5feb1JWNiIzv?utm_source=iframe&utm_medium=embed&utm_campaign=Embeds&utm_term=https%3A%2F%2Ffeedly.com%2Fbeta%2Fcategory%2FPhotography

Copyright © 2018 · All Rights Reserved · TwistedSifter

Powered by WordPress.com VIP · RSS Feed
The Sifter
🙂

“Snowball the Cockatoo Can Dance Better Than You” National Geographic

It’s a Jungle Out There

Now this is a zoo that I wouldn’t mind visiting….😂

bluebird of bitterness

Sid was a petty criminal who’d had many run-ins with the law. He needed a job, but because of his record, no one wanted to hire him. Then a pal tipped him off that the local zoo was hiring, and that they had a good record of hiring people in Sid’s situation, so he went to check it out.

The zookeeper told Sid that he needed someone to impersonate a gorilla. “Our gorilla was our main attraction,” the zookeeper said. “But it died a few days ago, and it will be months before we can get another one. All you’d have to do is wear this gorilla suit and eat bananas and keep the visitors entertained.”

The job sounded easy, and the pay wasn’t bad, so Sid agreed. He put on the costume and did his best to act like a gorilla, beating his chest and climbing trees and swinging…

View original post 128 more words

A Stray Dog Casually Walks On Stage During A Live Orchestra Performance And Steals The Show | TIME – YouTube

Well I’m Glad Someone Enjoys the Cold….🐧

🎁  TIS THE SEASON FOR SNOWFLAKES 🎁

Baby Orca Surprises Swimmers At New Zealand Beach – The Dodo

tmg-article_tall.jpg

Mischievous Baby Orca Sneaks Up On Unsuspecting Swimmers

“We won’t be forgetting this anytime soon.”
By Sarah V Schweig
October 24, 2017

It’s beach season in New Zealand, and hundreds of people were enjoying the sun and surf at Hahei Beach last week — when some of them got a very unexpected visitor.
Orca surprises beachgoers

Four wild orcas were thought to be hunting stingrays off the coast when one of the baby orcas became curious and swam right up to people wading in the clear water. And the sight of a dorsal fin coming straight at them sent the swimmers scurrying for the shore.

Orcas are very intelligent and social animals who stick with their families their whole lives, and baby orcas like this one learn to hunt from their parents and relatives in their pod.

So maybe the beachgoers were right to be startled by the baby orca — he might have been practicing his newly acquired skills on them.

But the swimmers had no hard feelings toward the little orca. “He’s just playing,” one person can be heard saying.

“It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience to see such a beautiful animal up close in the wild,” Kelly Lindsay told local news. “We won’t be forgetting this anytime soon.”

 

Germany: Rabbit missed, Hunter hit. Rabbit Escaped And Is Fine.

Serbian Animals Voice (SAV)

SAV Comment – Glad to hear the rabbit is ok.

Hello friends, hallo Mark,
today I have good news!!

I read this report on a German web site for animal rights and translated it.

Rabbit missed, hunter hit.


ST.PETER AM HART, AUSTRIA: At around 11:05 am on Saturday, 21 October, at the end of a so-called ‘drive-hunting’, the participants of a hunt were in the Mooswiesen area.

An 80-year-old hunter from St. Peter am Hart and a 25-year-old from Altheim were on the same level in the last rifle line.

As a field rabbit ran between the two and fled towards St. Peter, the 25-year-old gave a shot but did not hit.

The 80-year-old, who was to the right of the 25-year-old, shot twice on the rabbit, but missed it as well, and shot by mistake at his colleague!!

The 25-year-old was hit by bullets in his head and legs.

View original post 58 more words

Advice for married men

If you’re a woman….  I recommend you take time to read this…..It may save you some jail time!

bluebird of bitterness

by guest columnist Herb Hickenlooper

It’s important for men to remember that as women age, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same standards of housekeeping as when they were younger. But when you notice this happening with your wife, try not to yell at her. Some women are oversensitive, and God knows there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

Let me tell you how I handled this situation with my wife, Peggy. When I retired about a year ago, it became necessary for Peggy to get a full-time job to bring in some extra income and for the medical insurance her employer provides. Shortly after she started working, I noticed her age was beginning to show. Here’s an example: I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work, and even though she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour before…

View original post 443 more words

Smorgasbord Laughter Academy Archives – One Liners Part Five and some snippets.

10300280_611230292326689_8090324552125960362_n

Smorgasbord - Variety is the spice of life

I am sharing this post from July 2016… I know that some of you commented at the time but hope time has dulled your memory as much as mine!  I have also included some funnies from Facebook that I have pinched over the last few weeks.

Time for part five of the one-liners..I am hoping that I am not repeating any but the odd one might slip through and be noted by the more eagle-eyed of you..  enjoy.

1. It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
2. He who hesitates is boss.
3. As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never
4. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
5. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
6…

View original post 408 more words

Caturday funnies

😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅

bluebird of bitterness

View original post

THURSDAY GIGGLES 

I remember the first time  I vacuum and our husky puppy was hiding her kibble and treats under the cushion  😵 I  thought they were bugs…LOL

Phoenix Rainez

View original post

Caturday funnies

THURSDAY GIGGLES 

Cash only, will not accept credit cards or checks!
Thank you for your cooperation.
“Have A Nice Day”

Phoenix Rainez

View original post

Seriously, dude…. is there a name for what’s wrong with you?

Humor with a Twist….

Boy do I know about freedom in the red white blue 🚓 I received 3 speeding tickets in one month, it was 1992 to be exact. When the officer came back up to my car for me to sign, he said… And I quote… You know Nancy you’re one point away from losing your license and your freedom to drive, don’t you think it’s time you start paying attention to the speed limit? I said………Yes sir and  went bought a radar detector…. I haven’t had a speeding ticket since. 😇

Boundless Blessings by Kamal

060914_1854_ATwistofHum2[1].png

-I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you at the back of cars.

-The last thing I want to do is hurt you in a most horrible way, but it is still on my bucket list. I will surely have my way.

-My mind isn’t twisted and perverted, its strategically bent and curved in a precarious way in several places.

-Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak and cause fools of themselves.

-Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit- salad and spoiling its awesome taste.

-To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

-I’m great at multi-tasking, I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once.

-Women will never be equal to men…

View original post 87 more words

Hilarious (But Real) Exchanges Between Pilots, Flight Attendants, And Passengers.


http://www.geekfill.com/2017/04/18/hilarious-but-real-exchanges-between-pilots-flight-attendants-and-passengers/

Image

March Forward 🕛 Turn Your Clocks Ahead One Hour

tmp_22409-spring-forward-daylight-saving1092348540