Boy do I know about freedom in the red white blue 🚓 I received 3 speeding tickets in one month, it was 1992 to be exact. When the officer came back up to my car for me to sign, he said… And I quote… You know Nancy you’re one point away from losing your license and your freedom to drive, don’t you think it’s time you start paying attention to the speed limit? I said………Yes sir and went bought a radar detector…. I haven’t had a speeding ticket since. 😇
-I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you at the back of cars.
-The last thing I want to do is hurt you in a most horrible way, but it is still on my bucket list. I will surely have my way.
-My mind isn’t twisted and perverted, its strategically bent and curved in a precarious way in several places.
-Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak and cause fools of themselves.
-Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit- salad and spoiling its awesome taste.
-To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
-I’m great at multi-tasking, I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once.
-Women will never be equal to men…
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Celebrities will do anything to be the center of attention! Need a good laugh read this.😅
LITTLE ROCK, Ar.– An Arkansas man’s Facebook post has gone viral, being shared over 300,000 times. His story, one of the smelly variety, is one that many have enjoyed and been able to relate to. In fact, he even created a graph to help create a visual for you to connect to the story.
Here is Jesse Newton’s post, with the full text being found below:
Newton’s full post:
So, last week, something pretty tragic happened in our household. It’s taken me until now to wrap my head around it and find the words to describe the horror. It started off simple enough – something that’s probably happened to most of you.
Sometime between midnight and 1:30am, our puppy Evie pooped on our rug in the living room. This is the only time she’s done this, so it’s probably just because we forgot to let her out before we went to bed that night. Now, if you have a detective’s mind, you may be wondering how we know the poop occurred between midnight and 1:30am. We were asleep, so how do I know that time frame?
Why, friends, that’s because our Roomba runs at 1:30am every night, while we sleep. And it found the poop. And so begins the Pooptastrophe. The poohpocalypse. The pooppening.
If you have a Roomba, please rid yourself of all distractions and absorb everything I’m about to tell you.
Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop. If the unthinkable does happen, and your Roomba runs over dog poop, stop it immediately and do not let it continue the cleaning cycle. Because if that happens, it will spread the dog poop over every conceivable surface within its reach, resulting in a home that closely resembles a Jackson Pollock poop painting.
It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids’ toy boxes. If it’s near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding. Yes, mudding – like what you do with a Jeep on a pipeline road. But in poop.
Then, when your four-year-old gets up at 3am to crawl into your bed, you’ll wonder why he smells like dog poop. And you’ll walk into the living room. And you’ll wonder why the floor feels slightly gritty. And you’ll see a brown-encrusted, vaguely Roomba-shaped thing sitting in the middle of the floor with a glowing green light, like everything’s okay. Like it’s proud of itself. You were still half-asleep until this point, but now you wake up pretty damn quickly.
And then the horror. Oh the horror.
So, first you clean the child. You scrub the poop off his feet and put him back in bed. But you don’t bother cleaning your own feet, because you know what’s coming. It’s inevitable, and it’s coming at you like a freight train. Some folks would shrug their shoulders and get back in bed to deal with it in the morning. But you’re not one of those people – you can’t go to sleep with that war zone of poop in the living room.
So you clean the Roomba. You toss it in the bathtub to let it soak. You pull it apart, piece-by-piece, wondering at what point you became an adult and assumed responsibility for 3:30am-Roomba-disassembly-poop-cleanups. By this point, the poop isn’t just on your hands – it’s smeared up to your elbows. You already heard the Roomba make that “whirlllllllllllllllll-boop-hisssssssss” noise that sounds like electronics dying, and you realize you forgot to pull the battery before getting it wet. More on that later.
Oh, and you’re not just using profanity – you’re inventing new types of profanity. You’re saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there’s no way he’s not ending up in prison.
Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug – the rug that started it all – the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she’ll ask if you tried to clean it first.
Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-ft poop trails.
And then, because it’s 6am, you go to bed. Let’s finish this tomorrow, right?
The next day, you finish taking the Roomba apart, scraping out all the tiny flecks of poop, and after watching a few Youtube instructional videos, you remove the motherboard to wash it with a toothbrush. Then you bake it in the oven to dry. You put it all back together, and of course it doesn’t work. Because you heard the “whirlllllllllllllll-boop-hissssssss” noise when it died its poopy death in the bathtub. But you hoped that maybe the Roomba gods would have mercy on you.
But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. After spending a week researching how to fix this damn $400 Roomba without spending $400 again – including refurb units, new motherboards, and new batteries – you finally decide to call the place where you bought it. That place called Hammacher Schlemmer. They have a funny name, but they have an awesome warranty. They claim it’s for life, and it’s for any reason.
So I called them and told the truth. My Roomba found dog poop and almost precipitated World War III.
And you know what they did? They offered to replace it. Yes, folks. They are replacing the Roomba that ran over dog poop and then died a poopy, watery death in the bathtub – by no fault of their own, of course.
So, mad props to Hammacher Schlemmer. If you’re buying anything expensive, and they sell it, I recommend buying it from them. And remember – don’t let your Roomba run over dog poop.
“The smallest worm will turn being trodden on, And doves will peck in safeguard of their brood.” -William Shakespeare, Henry VI
Despite China’s capitalist reforms and opening to the West, life for many Chinese is still one of grinding poverty.
One way to survive, instead of panhandling, is to train animals as street performers to entice passersby to toss a few coins as reward.
A shocking cell phone video, believed to have been taken in the city of Anyang in China’s Henan province, shows a man who keeps monkeys as street performers.
The video begins with the man slapping one monkey, who promptly slaps the man back. SMACK!
The man then repeatedly slaps the monkey, who returns the slaps, at one point slapping him so hard, the man falls back.
Then the man takes a knife, sharpens the blade on the ground, feigns to kill the monkey by placing the…
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What song do you believe is ideal for U.S. Election 2016?Hi everyone I’m reblogging this because I think it would be fun for everyone to come up with some ideas! Please send your comments over to Jim’s blog! He’s been sick and had a hard year and I think he would have fun reading your comments….thanks everyone ☺
Photo Credit: Micolo-j via CC Flickr
This is a re-post of an article that I posted way back when I first began my “Good Time Stories” page. It is one of my favorite little stories. I hope you like it as much as I do!!
There are many people in today’s world that want nothing to do with helping other people. Their thought is, “why should I go out of my way to help them with the problem that they are facing? It has nothing to do with me.” Well, sometimes this decision can come back to affect them. The story today clearly illustrates why, sometimes, we should go out of our way to help others.
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain? The mouse wondered – he was devastated to discover it…
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Funny and Interesting Stuff People Have Sent Me
A Well-Planned Retirement
Outside England’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7) .
Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show up so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent .
The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo’s own responsibility.
The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee.
The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll.
Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain,or France, or Italy, is a man who’d apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day,commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 perday — for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ……and no one knows his name
What a beautiful planet…
What a rotten day…
What a golden moment…
What a disaster…
What a wonderful life…
What’s the use?
What am I doing here and who are all these strange people?
I wish you’d make up my mind, for me.
I can’t decide if I like it or not…
Walk with me and I will show you the sky
Walk with me and I will lead the way
Walk with me.
Walk with me because I hate to be alone….
Paper or plastic…
Have you ever really felt the sun on your face, I mean, felt it poke into each pore, make you eyebrows burn, make your eyelids turn pink and your mouth to turn up at the corners?
Have you ever picked a flower and committed murder?
Didn’t the roots look like fingers trying to reach and keep hold to the earth…
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I hate it when he plays ” Mount Everest ..”
‘Life is better when you are happy, but life is best when
Other people are happy because of you’
You have been chosen to receive the blessing of the Snow Fairy.
The Snow Fairy can bring you good fortune for one whole year.
May YOU be blessed by his good deeds…..
You must pass the Snow Fairy
to 7 people within 60 seconds
to receive your one year blessing….