PIERS MORGAN: The award for the worst election loser goes to every millionaire celebrity | Daily Mail Online

Celebrities will do anything to be the center of attention! Need a good laugh read this.😅

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3935314/And-award-worst-election-loser-goes-deluded-millionaire-celebrity-t-deal-fact-America-couldn-t-care-think.html

Arkansas man’s ‘poop-tastrophe’ Facebook post goes viral | WPMT FOX43

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LITTLE ROCK, Ar.– An Arkansas man’s Facebook post has gone viral, being shared over 300,000 times. His story, one of the smelly variety, is one that many have enjoyed and been able to relate to. In fact, he even created a graph to help create a visual for you to connect to the story.

Here is Jesse Newton’s post, with the full text being found below:

Newton’s full post:

So, last week, something pretty tragic happened in our household. It’s taken me until now to wrap my head around it and find the words to describe the horror. It started off simple enough – something that’s probably happened to most of you.

Sometime between midnight and 1:30am, our puppy Evie pooped on our rug in the living room. This is the only time she’s done this, so it’s probably just because we forgot to let her out before we went to bed that night. Now, if you have a detective’s mind, you may be wondering how we know the poop occurred between midnight and 1:30am. We were asleep, so how do I know that time frame?

Why, friends, that’s because our Roomba runs at 1:30am every night, while we sleep. And it found the poop. And so begins the Pooptastrophe. The poohpocalypse. The pooppening.

If you have a Roomba, please rid yourself of all distractions and absorb everything I’m about to tell you.

Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop. If the unthinkable does happen, and your Roomba runs over dog poop, stop it immediately and do not let it continue the cleaning cycle. Because if that happens, it will spread the dog poop over every conceivable surface within its reach, resulting in a home that closely resembles a Jackson Pollock poop painting.

It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids’ toy boxes. If it’s near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding. Yes, mudding – like what you do with a Jeep on a pipeline road. But in poop.

tmp_4317-13975473_776220970364_4589684107022964508_o-1098332077Then, when your four-year-old gets up at 3am to crawl into your bed, you’ll wonder why he smells like dog poop. And you’ll walk into the living room. And you’ll wonder why the floor feels slightly gritty. And you’ll see a brown-encrusted, vaguely Roomba-shaped thing sitting in the middle of the floor with a glowing green light, like everything’s okay. Like it’s proud of itself. You were still half-asleep until this point, but now you wake up pretty damn quickly.

And then the horror. Oh the horror.

So, first you clean the child. You scrub the poop off his feet and put him back in bed. But you don’t bother cleaning your own feet, because you know what’s coming. It’s inevitable, and it’s coming at you like a freight train. Some folks would shrug their shoulders and get back in bed to deal with it in the morning. But you’re not one of those people – you can’t go to sleep with that war zone of poop in the living room.

So you clean the Roomba. You toss it in the bathtub to let it soak. You pull it apart, piece-by-piece, wondering at what point you became an adult and assumed responsibility for 3:30am-Roomba-disassembly-poop-cleanups. By this point, the poop isn’t just on your hands – it’s smeared up to your elbows. You already heard the Roomba make that “whirlllllllllllllllll-boop-hisssssssss” noise that sounds like electronics dying, and you realize you forgot to pull the battery before getting it wet. More on that later.

Oh, and you’re not just using profanity – you’re inventing new types of profanity. You’re saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there’s no way he’s not ending up in prison.

Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug – the rug that started it all – the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she’ll ask if you tried to clean it first.

Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-ft poop trails.

And then, because it’s 6am, you go to bed. Let’s finish this tomorrow, right?

The next day, you finish taking the Roomba apart, scraping out all the tiny flecks of poop, and after watching a few Youtube instructional videos, you remove the motherboard to wash it with a toothbrush. Then you bake it in the oven to dry. You put it all back together, and of course it doesn’t work. Because you heard the “whirlllllllllllllll-boop-hissssssss” noise when it died its poopy death in the bathtub. But you hoped that maybe the Roomba gods would have mercy on you.

But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. After spending a week researching how to fix this damn $400 Roomba without spending $400 again – including refurb units, new motherboards, and new batteries – you finally decide to call the place where you bought it. That place called Hammacher Schlemmer. They have a funny name, but they have an awesome warranty. They claim it’s for life, and it’s for any reason.

So I called them and told the truth. My Roomba found dog poop and almost precipitated World War III.

And you know what they did? They offered to replace it. Yes, folks. They are replacing the Roomba that ran over dog poop and then died a poopy, watery death in the bathtub – by no fault of their own, of course.

So, mad props to Hammacher Schlemmer. If you’re buying anything expensive, and they sell it, I recommend buying it from them. And remember – don’t let your Roomba run over dog poop.

Video

Monkeys exact revenge by attacking man who abuses them

Fellowship of the Minds

“The smallest worm will turn being trodden on, And doves will peck in safeguard of their brood.” -William Shakespeare, Henry VI

Despite China’s capitalist reforms and opening to the West, life for many Chinese is still one of grinding poverty.

One way to survive, instead of panhandling, is to train animals as street performers to entice passersby to toss a few coins as reward.

A shocking cell phone video, believed to have been taken in the city of Anyang in China’s Henan province, shows a man who keeps monkeys as street performers.

The video begins with the man slapping one monkey, who promptly slaps the man back. SMACK!

The man then repeatedly slaps the monkey, who returns the slaps, at one point slapping him so hard, the man falls back.

Then the man takes a knife, sharpens the blade on the ground, feigns to kill the monkey by placing the…

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By Nancy Posted in Humor

What song do you believe is ideal for U.S. Election 2016?

What song do you believe is ideal for U.S. Election 2016?Hi everyone I’m reblogging this because I think it would be fun for everyone to come up with some ideas! Please send your comments over to Jim’s blog! He’s been sick and had a hard year and I think he would have fun reading your comments….thanks everyone ☺

Lantern Timeglass Journal

What song do you believe is ideal for U.S. Election 2016?

OK to suggest more than one!

Here’s one of my votes…

Mainly because of the lyrics, I’d apply to candidates (at this time 4/24/2016): “You gotta give the other fellow hell.”

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There’s A Mouse in the House!!

Good Time Stories

micolo-j Flickr Photo Credit: Micolo-j via CC Flickr

This is a re-post of an article that I posted way back when I first began my “Good Time Stories” page. It is one of my favorite little stories. I hope you like it as much as I do!!


There are many people in today’s world that want nothing to do with helping other people. Their thought is, “why should I go out of my way to help them with the problem that they are facing? It has nothing to do with me.” Well, sometimes this decision can come back to affect them. The story today clearly illustrates why, sometimes, we should go out of our way to help others.

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain? The mouse wondered – he was devastated to discover it…

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By Nancy Posted in Humor

A Well – Planned Retirement

Funny and Interesting Stuff People Have Sent  Me

A Well-Planned Retirement

Outside England’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant.  The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7) .

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show up so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent .

The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo’s own responsibility.

The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee.

The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain,or France, or Italy, is a man who’d apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day,commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 perday — for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ……and no one knows his name

By Nancy Posted in Humor

A Tad Distracted, Or Am I?

Imagine....

What a terrible world…images (40)

What a beautiful planet…

What a rotten day…

What a golden moment…

What a disaster…

What a wonderful life…

What’s the use?

What am I doing here and who are all these strange people?

I wish you’d make up my mind, for me.

I can’t decide if I like it or not…

Walk with me and I will show you the sky

Walk with me and I will lead the way

Walk with me.

Walk with me because I hate to be alone….

Paper or plastic…

Have you ever really felt the sun on your face, I mean, felt it poke into each pore, make you eyebrows burn, make your eyelids turn pink and your mouth to turn up at the corners?

Have you everapostate picked a flower and committed murder?

Didn’t the roots look like fingers trying to reach and keep hold to the earth…

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By Nancy Posted in Humor

A Real Dilemma

Funny and Interesting Stuff People Have Sent Me

WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!
What an interesting turn of events in Mt. Vernon , Texas …Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding — with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before the grand re-opening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!
After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.” But late last week ‘Big Jugs’ Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church … “was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business…

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By Nancy Posted in Humor

Your Smile For Today

Funny and Interesting Stuff People Have Sent Me

 


 Your Smile For Today001

I hate it when he plays ” Mount Everest ..”

 


Your Smile For Today002
Menopause sucks.

 


Your Smile For Today003
Who the heck is “Sugar Lips?”

 


Your Smile For Today004
Those brownies were Far Out!!

 


Your Smile For Today005
NO! We Don’t want any Magazine Subscriptions!

 


Your Smile For Today006
There’s a ringer competing in the Hogtown Olympics.

 

 


Your Smile For Today007
I’m not Over-Weight, I’m Under-Height!!

 

 


Your Smile For Today008
You do have an odd perspective on things.

 

 


Your Smile For Today009
Lunchtime at the Corncob Cafe.

 

 


Your Smile For Today010
Okay, I caught him, now what do I do with him?

 

 

 

 

Your Smile For Today011
I hate this game.

 

 


Your Smile For Today012
Flight ‘Hum-One’ coming in for a landing.

 

 


Your Smile For Today013
Hi, I’m Celeste, I’ll be your Aura-Concierge today.

 

 


Your Smile For Today014
Just act natural and blend in.

 

 


Your Smile For Today015
Where’s my Coffee?

 

 

Your Smile For Today016
Whoo-o loves ya, Baby?


‘Life is better when you are happy, but life is best when
Other people are happy because of you’

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By Nancy Posted in Humor

What People Abroad Really Think of Americans

WebInvestigator.KK.org

ByBess Rattray

Living in a small Canadian town taught me the near-obsession of outsiders’ scorn. Finally, I’m ready to push back.

We litter. We are loud. We are fat. We eat standing up. We drive aggressively. We don’t make eye contact. We don’t open doors for people. We rush. We are rude to wait staff in restaurants. We are prone to domestic violence. We are spoiling for a fight. We put our nose into others’ business. We are sanctimonious. We think we won the War of 1812. We manufacture bad cars, brew bad beer and eat flavorless potato chips. We won’t stop waving the flag. We are bad sports, especially during the Olympics. We think we are the center of the universe, and that money entitles us to everything. But the worst of our sins? We brag—nonstop.

These are just a few of the charms of Americans, according…

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FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING

Funny and Interesting Stuff People Have Sent Me

You have been chosen to receive the blessing of the Snow Fairy.

The Snow Fairy can bring you good fortune for one whole year.

May YOU be blessed by his good deeds…..

FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING001

FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING001

FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING001

FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING001

FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING001

FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING001

FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING001

FIRST CHRISTMAS GREETING002

You must pass the Snow Fairy

to 7 people within 60 seconds

to receive your one year blessing….

HURRY!

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The Big Bang Bucket List Of A Buddhist Blogger

The Last Of The Millenniums

The Big Bang Theory – Teachers Pet

Playful Baby Monkey Relentlessly Annoys Sleeping Cat

Corn Dog

Fish Fart Detour - credit-bits-and-pieces Fish Fart Detour – credit-bits-and-pieces

Banana Dolphins - credit-bits-and-pieces Banana Dolphins – credit-bits-and-pieces

credit-bits-and-pieces credit-bits-and-pieces

Pumpkin Pi - credit-bit-and-pieces Pumpkin Pi – credit-bit-and-pieces

credit-bits-and-pieces credit-bits-and-pieces

credit-bits-and-pieces credit-bits-and-pieces

-credit-amy-oops -credit-amy-oops

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By Nancy Posted in Humor