30 Other Things Investigators Found In Biden’s Garage | Babylon Bee

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Politics · Jan 16, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

30 Other Things Investigators Found In Biden’s Garage

Investigators found classified documents in President Biden’s garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!

Here is the definitive list of items found in Biden’s garage:

  1. Obama’s birth certificate
  2. Private hair collection
  3. 180,000 Trump ballots
  4. One of Hunter’s hookers
  5. Hunter
  6. Friendship bracelet from President Xi
  7. My patriot supply buckets (go to preparewithbee.com for an exclusive deal)
  8. The real Joe Biden tied up and gagged shouting, “Help! that guy’s an imposter!”
  9. Unused Stairmaster
  10. All the CIA’s JFK documents
  11. Jimmy Hoffa
  12. Treasure map leading to the lost city of Atlantis
  13. A bunch of model train stuff
  14. A paycheck from Burisma made out to “the big guy”
  15. The friendship bracelet he made for Obama but was too embarrassed to give him
  16. Industrial-size pallet of Metamucil
  17. A lock of Galadriel’s hair
  18. White hood
  19. Cuties on Blu-Ray
  20. A nuke – literally an entire nuke
  21. Model of the Capitol building made of LEGO
  22. Joe Biden’s brain in a jar
  23. Early classified copy of Hogwart’s Legacy
  24. A surprisingly solid collection of tabletop board games
  25. Pontiac Aztek he’s been restoring since 2014
  26. All of the eggs
  27. First 14 seasons of The Apprentice on DVD
  28. 12 vials of COVID-20 from Wuhan
  29. 500 boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Pops
  30. A pallet of 10% for the big guy

Wow! So exciting! Who knows what they’ll find next?

Babylon Bee subscriber Totes Bussin Yo contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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