They Live Among Us

The Butcher Shop

by Sydney Garcia

My husband and I went through the mmmmm McDonald’s driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’

I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.’

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said ‘We’re sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.’

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD’s.

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that…

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Biden Goes Double Or Nothing On National Debt By Placing $30 Trillion On The Bengals

INGLEWOOD, CA—President Joe Biden is planning to wipe out the National Debt with a genius double or nothing bet on the Cincinnati Bengals.

Biden held a meeting with the Treasury Department to go over the plan.

“My bookie, ole Jiffy Dan, was a little hesitant to accept a $30 Trillion bet but I says to him, ‘Look, Jiffy Baby, if you hook me up I’ll pardon you for all your illegal gambling,” said Biden.

He then explained how Jiffy Dan was a smart Black man from South Central who was surprisingly articulate before Dr. Jill Biden reminded him to act less racist.

“Look, here’s the honest truth, Jack,” said Biden, refocused. “The Bengals are in it to win it. They do that and the slate is clean. No more debt!”

Sources in the Treasury Department reveal everyone in the meeting disagreed with the president’s plan except for the one guy they’re pretty sure is a Chinese plant.

“Mr. President, I think this is a great idea,” said Xau Fong.

The Bengals are the current underdogs going into this year’s Super Bowl, but economic experts say this was the only way Jiffy Dan would accept such a large debt.

“If we lose, at least only half the debt goes to China. The rest will go to this Jiffy guy,” said economic strategist Brent Esther. “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.”