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9 Offensive Candies That Need To Get Woke Immediately


When M&M bravely transformed their M&M characters into progressive liberals they shined a spotlight on a problem no one had ever considered before. Can candy be racist? Can it be transphobic or deplorable? The answer, we now know, is yes. 

Here are nine more candies that need to follow M&M’s trailblazing example and get woke asap!

Almond Joy – Has nuts. Should get nut removal surgery and be transgender. Also, it’s wrong to feel joy in our broken, racist, evil country. That’s privilege. Do better, Almond Joy.

Sour Patch Kids – None of these kids have had gender reassignment surgery. They’re not even taking puberty blockers! Additionally, they are all diverse skin colors, and yet are getting along in harmony. Not woke all!

Mr. Goodbar – Where do we even start? Mister? Good? BAR?!

Sugar Daddy – Don’t you mean “Sugar-non-birthing parent?” REEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Twix – It’s laudable that Twix has a left bar, but it also has a right bar, so it’s basically a Nazi.

Gobstopper – Made by enslaved midgets, which is wrong.

Whatchamacallit – Belittling Ebonics to the level of candy. So racist. Though it does earn some points for having an identity crisis.

Dove Chocolate – A white bird for a chocolate candy? Are you serious?!

Dum Dums – Makes fun of the mentally less capable among us.

The next time you give in to your sweet tooth please make sure your candy is ACLU certified. Just because something is tasty doesn’t mean it’s woke. And if something ain’t woke then it’s broke!


Petition · Real Time Trade Tracking for Elected Officials · Change.org

Lee Dodge started this petition

Members of Congress and the Senate need to be held accountable for the profits they make off the stock market. Our elected officials accumulate massive amounts of wealth after taking office, much of which is gained via timely stock market trades placed with insider information.

The current 45 day disclosure window is too wide for today’s day and age. Our representatives abuse this window, knowing that the public’s attention doesn’t typically carry back that far.

We have the technology available to track our representatives trades in real time. 

We demand to know immediately when an order has been placed on the stocks, derivatives, futures or foreign exchange markets.5,742 have signed. Let’s get to 7,500!


The horses of “Las Luminarias”, the Festival of Fire

Tuesday's Horse

Every year, in the central province of Avila in Spain, locals honour San Antonio Abad (Saint Anthony).

Saint Anthony is a patron saint of animals and locals celebrate him in the traditional festival of Las Luminarias. The night before the festival, dozens of locals ride horses through bonfires to honour the saint.

Is this how any Saint would want to be remembered or honoured? It is savage. And man-made.


January 17, 2022

Featured Image: A man rides a horse through a bonfire during the traditional ritual in honour of San Antonio Abad (Saint Anthony the Abbot), patron saint of domestic animals. Photo / Getty.

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